Light Up My World
by bballgurlie
Summary: Haley's the New Girl with Family Secrets
1. Chapter 1

This story came to me out of no where...but I thought what the heck maybe somebody will enjoy reading it This story will be angsty...and mostly will revolve around the relationship between Haley and her family and of course Naley. I would really appreciate any feedback you have to let me know if I should continue with this story or not. Thanks and enjoy! 

Chapter 1

Haley James stared up at the abandoned brick house, her eyes growing in mock fascination to the utter perfect-ness that surrounded the home. The grass was green, the yard was cut, and the flowers seemed to be placed in such an order, that she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Everything seemed untouched, unharmed.

And yet here she stood in front of it so tainted.

"Haley bear, don't just stand there, we have boxes to unload let's go!" 

Her mother's perky voice filled Haley's sulky demeanor and as her footsteps came closer she wanted nothing more then to jump in the moving truck and drive back to their home in Seattle, back to where her life was.

Her mother's hand came up and touched Haley's shoulder; she visibly flinched from the contact. Haley's eyes met her mother's to see the pain that now evoked them from her simple gesture. It scared Haley to know how quickly she could cause so much destruction in one person.

"Everything's going to be okay now Haley."

Haley's eyes remained locked with her mother's but yet aside from her obvious discomfort from her mother's physical contact she had not shown any sign of emotion.

She hadn't shown any sign of living.

Her mother let out a tired sigh before dragging a frustrated hand through her shoulder length blonde hair.

"I'm going to make this better for us Hales."

Haley's eyes finally left her mother's and now her head hung low, and her hands stuffed in her jean pockets. Lydia then proceeded to tip Haley's chin up with her fingers as she tried her best to give Haley a reassuring smile.

"Just don't shut me out Haley bear."

Haley pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth and let her doe brown eyes connect with her mother's hazel ones.

"That's all I'm going to ask of you Haley, please don't shut me out." 

She shivered as the contact from her mother's fingers left her chin, and the once radiated hope her mother had tried to transfer into her daughter had faltered, and made no progress at digging away at the wall that gated Haley's heart.

Haley stood there, still without moving but yet letting her eyes roam over the house. There were vines running down the ancient red bricks, a chimney that peaked over the roof, and a birds nest resting in the gutters just above the white balcony, that she presumed would be apart of her new room.

This whole thing started when she came home after basketball practice to find her living room in boxes, as she continued to walk through her house she realized that everything seemed much bigger now that the paintings, and family statues were all packed away.

As she made her way up the stairs and down the hall she knew this would be the ultimate decider to if her mother had really stuck to her word and came to the conclusion that it was time for them to finally run. 

She entered the office to see all the books were packed away, but his desk, his chestnut brown, wooden desk, had yet to be touched, and that's when she knew they were leaving.

Her mother had always blamed her father's work for his departure. 

Haley knew if the desk was untouched then they actually would be departing from her only home, because why would her mother pack away and keep the things she viewed as their family's main problem. Haley however knew her mother was just looking for an excuse, a reason or thing to blame for their tragedy.

Haley just viewed his work as his escape, when everything else was falling apart he always busied himself in paper work amongst paper work, but he never once complained or made a fuss about his lack of time with his children and that's what pained Haley the most to realize. 

His work wasn't an escape from the craziness that his life entailed; his work was an escape from their family, most of all from her. 

"It's not your fault Little H."

Haley's eyes snapped onto her twin brother's form as Jake took her cold hand in his own and gave it a tight squeeze. He had never felt it feel so cold, so lifeless. His little sister, of 10 minutes, was once so carefree and easy going, and now everything she once was is shattered, and he's left standing in her presence trying to pick up the pieces to her broken soul.

"Do you think he would have liked it here Jake?"

Jake's eyes connected to his sister's and felt the air knock out of his body as he took her in. She looked so fragile in this moment. So close to reaching her breaking point but yet so far from where she needed to be, and he knew she would never let him help her, she would never let him see her fully collapse into pain, and oh how he wished she would. How he prayed she would just let everything out and finally just let go of their haunting past. How he would give anything just to see her cry, how he would trade his place in their messy betrayal for hers in a heartbeat. Jake dreamed of nothing more then to see his baby sister's eyes light up again and sparkle with glee as they once did. His heart chipped off another piece as he answered his sister.

"No." 

He wouldn't lie to her and give her a reason to hate him. Jake knew what times to pick his little white lies to tell his sister, and this was certainty not one of them. Not when she brought the subject of their father into the question.

There was enough lies lying underneath the surface about their father for another to be added.

"I think that's why she choose it Little H."

Haley's eyes fell from Jake's and his only reaction was a small sigh leaving his defeated body.

"It's why she loves it."

Their mother, Lydia, grew up in Tree Hill. Her best friend was Karen Scott. Haley and Jake both had vivid memories of their mother sitting at the edge of their beds and telling them outrageous stories of her childhood in the small town. They both remembered how her eyes would light up when she would remember something knew, and how her voice would pick up a little excitement when she was retelling an old joke. 

It's the only time they saw their mother truly happy.

Every other time was just another lie.

Something Jake and Haley had become accustomed to in their lives.

"I don't know if I should want this Jake."

His eyes brimmed with tears as he watched Haley suck in a much-needed breath. He could tell she was nervous, hell her arm was twitching at an unbearable rate, but he knew if he were to reach out she would just shy away, and that wall he had worked so hard to chip away at to the point it was now would quickly reappear and shut him out for good.

"Want what Hales?"

She closed her eyes, trying to tell her self to open up. Pleading to finally let her brother back in and just fall into his awaiting arms. She needed him, almost as much as she needed air, without Jake, she would simply not be living; she wouldn't have the strength to.

"A chance to start over."

His hand brushed over her cheek and a small glimmer of hope sparked his heart as he watched her face lean into his touch.

"You deserve this Hales."

Her face-hardened as she shook her head and broke away from his contact, and just like that the glimmer of hope in her brother's heart was once again gone.

"He deserves this Jake, not me. I shouldn't even be here, he should." 

He watched as his sister stood there finally allowing her eyes to brim with tears and then watched as she just as quickly sucked them back down.

"You couldn't save him Haley."

She pulled her lip between her teeth before finally moving her feet around her brother.

"I could have stopped him though."

Her voice was a pained whisper, and it shook him to his core.

Jake turned around and grabbed Haley's shoulders and gave them a hard shake.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it wasn't your fault Haley!" 

Her eyes felt like knifes were beating into him, and it took every ounce of strength he had not to look away.

"Until it's true."

Jake's eyes closed and his hands dropped from her shoulders as the pain of the past year came rushing back to him. He opened his eyes to see Haley standing in front of him with the same thoughts running a million miles through her head.

"You didn't pull the trigger Hales."

Her head turned as she licked her upper lip and her face constructed into agony.

"You're right I didn't." Her eyes snapped back to Jake's and he could feel her wall rebuilding brick by brick.

"It still doesn't change the fact that I killed him Jake."

Jake could feel the distance growing between them and yet he was only standing a few mere inches from her.

"I might not have pulled the trigger but I didn't stop it either." 

Her eyes flashed up to Jake's and he knew the trust she once had in him was now vanishing, and she was just going to go back to her destruction mode. The mode where she had spent so many months just locked up in her room, with no contact to the outside world.

"I watched our brother die Jake."

Her voice remained a whisper and he wanted nothing more then to just reach out and save her, bring her back to him.

"I may not be the murder, but I am the reason it happened."

Haley could feel her mouth becoming dry and her mind beginning to feel. She didn't want to feel. She just wanted it all to go away, impossible she knows, but yet still she prays for it.

"It equals out to be the same if you ask me."

Her eyes focused in on his hazel greens before turning around and heading into their "new life" as her mother had so forcefully explained. There were so many things she wanted to keep hidden from the world, so many things she knew would destroy her and anyone she came into contact with if they found out.

Yet there were so many unspoken things that Haley had yet to be informed of, so many poisonous answers that would break her family even more. 

Haley woke up the next morning to the sound of her mother screaming in her ear to get ready. She got up from her queen size bed, looked around her spacious, but seemingly empty bedroom and let out a long sigh. She knew everything would be different here, everything would change, and a part of her wanted it.

But another part was screaming at her to go back.

She slowly got up from her bed, jumped into the shower, and then proceeded to do her makeup, blow-dry and curl her hair, and then finally got dressed in her tan shorts, light blue polo, and slipped on her white flip flops.

She stared at the tiffany's jewelry sitting on her dresser and she titled her head to the side deciphering if she was ready to wear those things again.

The diamonds and pearls were her Christmas gifts.

From her big brother and father.

Both missing from their new home.

She decided against it and then grabbed her white messenger bag and headed down the stairs. She was halfway to the door when her eyes landed on a picture in the mantelpiece. It was taken two summers ago. Jake and Haley were sitting in the front with their older brother residing in the middle of the two. Next were her parents in the back of them with each of their arms resting on each other's shoulders. There were smiles planted from ear to ear and to any passer buyer who glanced at this picture they would seem like the perfect family. 

It's strange how well her family became at pretending.

Jake was making his way down the steps when he noticed his sister's stilled form. He sucked in a huge gasp of air when he realized the picture she was indeed so transfixed on.

"You ready to start our junior year Hales."

Haley's form remained unmoving. Jake let out a small sigh before finishing his way down the steps and moving over to stand by his sister.

"We better get going Hales."

Her eyes had yet to move from one particular spot, and Jake knew actually where she was staring. She always became this way whenever a stranger or a friend mentioned him, and when she saw a picture with his smile lit up for the world to see he knew she was thinking of that particular day.

The day when the James family was turned upside down.

"Hales?" 

Her eyes finally snapped from the picture and landed on Jake. Her face constructed into a fake smile as she nodded her head and then walked in front of him to the door. She still thinks it fools him, the fake smile she puts forth, but she forgets that he knows her better then anyone else in this world.

She forgets that he's the one who taught her that smile.

Jake followed suit after his sister and jumped in his new black escalade. Their mother had given the car to Jake as a gift, and Haley's cherry red bmw still stood in the driveway untouched. She had always hated to drive.

Jake peeled out of the driveway and made his way towards Tree Hill High. 

God he hoped she would be okay.

How he prayed she would meet someone that would open her up again. 

"So I'll meet you here after school."

It was the first words she had spoken to him all morning. She was still trying to look brave, strong even, but he could see that inside she was slowly dying. Everyday things got just a little bit harder and while she tried to play it off and look like everything was fine Jake could see she was just trying to hide.

Sooner or latter he knew it was all going to catch up with her, and that's what scared him the most about his baby sister. The fact that some day everything would be looking her straight in the face and her brace act wouldn't work this time.

He gave her a small smile and nodded his head as he watched her make her way up the concrete steps. She never looked back to see if he was still standing there.

It hurt Jake to know that she didn't want to walk in with him.

Haley opened the doors to see a great deal of teenagers running around the halls and hugging people who they hadn't seen all summer and she almost had to laugh at the hypocrisy of it all. If these people they were hugging were really that important to them they wouldn't have spent an entire summer not picking up the phone and giving them a call.

She reached what she presumed to be her locker and began twisting the lock over and over. She felt her cheeks get flushed as she tried her lock once again and yet it still remained closed shut. She let out a grunt of frustration and flung her messenger bag on the ground. 

"Need some help?"

She turned to see a tall, blue eyed, black haired guy standing in front of her with a small smirk planted on his lips at the sight of Haley twisting and pulling the lock but yet still the lock remained stuck. She whipped a piece of her hair off the front of her face and gave the stranger a sheepish smile.

"Sure." 

He let out a light chuckle as he took the piece of paper from her that contained her locker combination and then began twisting.

There was an awkward silence betweem the two and Haley finally opened her mouth to speak to the mystery person as he remained focused on his task.

"I swear I tried a million times to open that thing, and it just wouldn't budge."

"I know I was watching."

Her eyebrows rose and then knitted together as she thought about his words. He popped the lock off and her locker swung open. He turned to her with a triumphant grin before the smile fell and he realized just how wrong his statement might have sounded.

"Oh god I didn't mean it like I was watching you like stalker like or anything, it was just you were making so much noise, and getting all flustered, that I couldn't help but watch."

She nodded her head and let her eyes roam over him as she took in his appearance. Dark blue jeans, not too baggy, but yet just right, a blue polo with white sneakers, and a simple band around his arm. 

"Do you always make it that obvious when you check guys out?"

A small blush crept to her cheeks and she wanted to smack herself for seeming so forward. She has never been the type of girl to throw herself at guys, or flirt with whomever just to get attention, but this guy seemed different. It was almost as if he was challenging her.

"Do you always stalk girls from across the hall?"

His eyebrows rose in surprise to Haley's comment, and she knew she caught him off guard with her statement.

"Hey I told you I wasn't stalking, I was just watching."

"For how long?"

"I don't know, I guess when you first started having problems opening it."

"So about 10 minutes then."

"Sure I guess."

"Well that qualifies you as a stalker then, would you like to hear your prize."

He let out a small chuckle and Haley stood there with a smile beginning to cross her lips.

"Sure Vana why don't you tell me."

Haley took out the piece of paper that had all her classes on it and held it up like she was showcasing it to him.

"You've just won a trip to show the new girl where her first period is." 

He shook his head at her silliness and found his eyes locking onto her light brown ones. All though a smile was firmly planted on her lips he couldn't help but notice that something was off about her features.

Her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Sounds amazing."

"Oh it is trust me. Some people might kill to win what you just did." 

"I bet."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and shuffled her feet a bit as they both just stood there looking at each other. He found her so beautiful and so unique and she found him to be attractive and an escape from her disastrous life. His eyes finally snapped out of his trance and he held his arm out for her to link her own through. 

"Well I better get my prize to class before she's late."

She put her arm through his and gave him an appreciative smile.

"Yeah I'm sure that wouldn't look to good if I was late on my first day."

"Don't worry about it, just tell them you were with me."

Her eyes got a little bigger and they rose in curiosity. Before she could question him on it he stopped in front of a classroom.

"And who do I say you are by the way?"

She gave him a shy smile once she realized she had no clue what this guy's name was.

"Nathan Scott."

She nodded her head before unlinking her arm from his.

"Well Nathan Scott thanks for brining me to my first class."

"No problem…"

He stopped once he too realized he had no idea what her name was. 

"Haley James."

He nodded his head while rethinking her name over and over in his mind. 

"I'll see you latter Nathan."

She held her hand up in the bye signal and watched as a smirk planted onto his full pink lips.

"You can count on it Ms. James."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and shook her head at how weird her day was starting out. She walked into the room to see Jake sitting in the back row watching her in curiosity and amusement. Everything suddenly came flooding back to her and she realized just what a mistake meeting Nathan could have been. She couldn't bring him into her world when she knows everything that has happened to the people that have touched her life. She wouldn't break another human being just because she was lonely.

And he was the first person to ever help her forget.

To ever make her feel normal.

The smile that was on her face immediately dropped and she made her way through the rows to the seat Jake had saved for her.

"Who was that?"

She sat down and looked at her brother who now had a smile etched on his features.

"Nobody." 

She turned her body away from his and looked up at the teacher who began to take roll. In most cases Jake would have taken this as his cue to shut up about the said person she was with, but after school he knew he was going to question her about the mystery guy again.

Because for the first time in a year he saw his sister's beautiful smile radiate as she talked to this guy.

And the light in her eyes was starting to spark up again.

-Sarah


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Haley slid open her back porch and took in the scenery that was her backyard. It looked as if it had just come off of one of those home gardening shows. She followed the concrete steps down a small path that led to a white gazebo entailed with a bench inside. She walked into the wooden masterpiece and took a seat on the empty bench. She pulled her knees up to her chin and placed her head down upon them. Her eyes focused in on the single red rose bush placed on the outskirts of her fence. She felt a small breeze blow through and watched as the hairs on her arms stood up and small goose bumps glazed over her smooth skin.

_Promise me you'll never leave._

His voice was haunting her, filling her with every silence in her day. She felt as if she couldn't breath without thinking of him. Her mind was usually in a frenzy and every moment she was filled with a constant headache of his voice jumbled together in phrases that she couldn't quite make out. She let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes as his words suddenly became utterly clear.

_"I want to spend forever here Timmy." 12-year-old Haley stared back at her 15 year old brother as he gave her a wide smile. ___

_The James family always spent their summers at their grandparent's cabin. It had always been a tradition, or really the only thing Haley had ever known in those warm months. Tim and Haley had decided to make a grand escape and run from their morning chores and simply lay in the field of flowers that their grandmother had been growing for the past 12 years. ___

_"Can we do that Tim, just stay here." ___

_Tim rolled over on his side to give his sister a peculiar look. ___

_"What about Seattle, Hales? Don't you like it there?" ___

_Her eyes narrowed as she thought about her answer before turning her head and matching her brother's gaze. ___

_"It's nice, but it's just different here. I feel like nothing can go wrong and that everyone is happy." ___

_"We're happy in Seattle too Hales." ___

_Haley stared at her brother as the words left his mouth and couldn't help but noticed the slight rise of his left eyebrow, which always happened when he lied. She thought about questioning him on it, but decided against it. She turned her head away from her brother's and stared up at the piercing sun. ___

_"Promise me we'll come back here when we're older and do this exact same thing." ___

_Tim's hand found his sister's as he gave it a tight squeeze. ___

_"I promise baby sis." ___

_She turned her head and looked at her brother's doe brown eyes and watched as his gaze looked up from her face and landed on a certain area in the flower field. She watched as his eyes grew with fascination and amusement. Haley turned her head the way that her brother was staring and looked around for whatever it was he was staring at. Her eyes glanced over the field until they landed on the single red rose bush. It was fairly large and stood out when placed along side the other flowers. They couldn't compare to the roses beauty. It was almost as if they were drawing you into their world, magical in a sense. ___

_"You see those roses Hales?" ___

_Haley reluctantly turned her head from the flowers as she looked at her brother's smiling form. She loved to see him smile. It was the way it reached up to his eyes that really made them sparkle. ___

_She nodded her head and watched as her brother's eyes left the area of the roses and connected back to hers. ___

_"I planted those seeds with grandma when I was 3." ___

_Haley gave her brother a small smile while her eyes held confusion as to why he was telling her this. ___

_Tim reached down for his sister's hand and brought it up to rest on his heart. ___

_"I planted it for you." _

It ached to see roses now. To see their form blowing in the small gust and still they held that magical quality to Haley, just as they had in the field that warm summer day.

She heard his footsteps as he made his way closer to the gazebo, but she wouldn't look at him and acknowledge his presence. She preferred ignoring him, hoping that he would get the hint and leave.

He never did though, and it didn't surprise her that his next move was sitting down on the bench next to her.

"I miss him too you know."

Her eyebrows knit into confusion as his words entered through her ears. 

"You act like you're the only one suffering here Haley, did you forget that he was my brother too?"

Haley slowly turned her head to see Jake's emotionless face staring straight-ahead and looking nowhere at her to see her reaction.

"I didn't forget Jake."

He nodded his head signaling he understood her words but she knew his gesture meant nothing of the sort.

"I was jealous of you two."

Her eyes widened in shock and she watched as he brought his hands up to his lap and interlocked them to keep from fidgeting. His eyes still remained focused in on the exit to the gazebo as his words sputtered out of his mouth.

"It was hard watching you two, laughing at your inside jokes when I didn't have a clue what was going on, playing by myself while you two decided to disappear, and apart of me hated him for taking you from me."

His eyes lowered to the ground and Haley still sat there astonished to Jake's revelations.

"People always thought we were close because we're twins, and what they didn't know was that I didn't even come close to the relationship you had with him."

"Jake…" 

"I know I can't be Tim for you Haley."

His eyes finally locked onto hers and she watched as a heavy sigh left his body.

"I know I'll never even come close, but if you could just…"

His voice trailed off and she watched as his eyes filled with tears. 

"If you would just give me a chance, I think I'd make him proud." 

Haley's eyes glanced away and she could feel her heart beating faster as the pain quickly ran through her body. She sat there unmoving, mute, and she knew with each second that past by Jake broke more and more. She felt the tip of the bench and heard his shuffled footsteps, but before he could fully step out of the gazebo she spoke to him in a quite mousy tone.

"It's not about you being Tim for me Jake."

Her doe brown eyes glanced up to his hazel ones and she could see the small sparkle of hope that ignited in him.

"Just don't give up on me yet Jake."

She took in a deep gulp as she swallowed her salty tears.

"Promise you'll be here for me when I break."

His eyes narrowed in concern and anguish before he gave her a simple nod of his head.

"I'll do anything for you Hales."

She gave him a small smile and watched as he turned around to head back into their house. She felt the light breeze again and her gaze immediately darted over to the swaying roses.

_Promise me you'll never leave._

"Haley hurry up you're going to make us late!"

Haley stared at her reflection in the mirror and brought a finger up to the glass to trace over the outline of her face.

"Haley Marie James!"

Haley blew out a small sigh before taking one last glance at her appearance. She had on a light blue jean skirt, a white 3-quarter sleeve shirt, with a turquoise tank top underneath that peaked up above the slit on the white cloth.

She headed down the stairs and stared at her mother who gave her a once over look before shaking her head at her daughter's appearance. 

"You better hope this dinner isn't formal Haley."

She didn't respond to her mother and simply continued down the stairs until she was standing by Jake's side.

"Don't embarrass me tonight you two. It's been a long time since I've seen Karen, and I don't want her to think…"

Jake's voice cut her off as he slung an arm around Haley's shoulder. 

"That you raised two delinquents."

"Exactly." 

Jake nodded his head before opening the front door and talking to his mother as she trailed behind.

"Don't worry mom we'll save the prison stories for the second dinner." 

Haley pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to stifle the giggle that was threatening to leave her lips.

"Just don't get mad if I let some of my drug bust jokes out."

They all gathered in the car and watched as their mother's face turned hard with worry and aggravation.

"Oh come on mom, you know that's my best material."

For the first time in a long time Haley smiled over at her brother's joke. His heart leapt for joy as she radiated with a small giggle. 

He couldn't help but notice that her smile was only a few inches away from finally reaching her eyes.

They knocked on the front door and waited until a woman, dark brown hair, medium height and weight, and a beaming smile opened the door. 

Haley watched as her mother let out a light shriek and both women jumped into each other's arms. Jake and Haley looked at each other in amusement until the women calmed down and now the stranger was staring at them both.

"You must be Haley and Jake! Wow you two have grown up so much! My sons are about your age, what are you both 16?"

Haley gave her a small smile while nodding her head and letting Jake take over the conversation just like he did with any adult.

"17 next month."

Karen's smile grew as she ushered us all in.

"Let me call the boys in here so we can all get introduced. Nathan, Lucas, Dan, our guests are here!"

Haley took this time to look around the room at all the paintings and picture frames it held. It strangely looked familiar to their new home. Her eyes glanced over the things until her eyes froze on a certain picture of the Scott family, and that's when it hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Boys I'd like you to meet-"

"Haley?" 

Her eyes snapped up to Nathan's smirking face and she breathed in a deep breath of air trying to regain her nerves.

"Hi Nathan."

"So this is the mystery guy."

Haley turned her gaze to her brother and gave him a hard look; he simply nodded his head and let out a small chuckle.

"I take it you three know each other?"

Jake looked at his confused mother and gave her an amused expression. 

"Well I haven't been properly introduced to Nathan yet, but he did have the pleasure of showing out little Haley around to her class this morning."

Haley's cheeks flushed with heat and she wanted nothing more then to reach up and strangle the life out of her brother.

She looked up to see Nathan's eyes dancing over her body and she couldn't help but notice the way his mouth was now turned up into a genuine smile.

"Well thank you Nathan, that was very sweet of you."

Haley let out a small groan and rolled her eyes as Nathan's eyes left Haley's and focused in on her mother's.

"It was really no problem Mrs. James."

"Well since one introduction is out of the way, Danny this is Lydia and her kids Jake and Haley, and this is my other son Lucas."

Haley tried her best to give each of them a genuine smile as Jake stuck his hand out for each of the men to shake. Dan looked nice enough, handsome for his age. Lucas was appealing but he didn't attract her like Nathan did. He did however seem like the more sensible one of the two, the brother you could run to in a time of need.

"We'll you kids are free to do whatever, dinner won't be ready for a while."

We stood in front of each other in awkward silence as the three adults left the living room and headed to the study for a drink. Haley took a glance around the room trying to distract her eyes from Nathan's heated stare. She then let out a small fake cough.

"I'm going to go get something to drink."

She walked around Lucas and Nathan and headed for the general direction the adults had headed in. The first room Haley walked into was the kitchen and she looked outside to see their full size basketball court, and the ball that was just sitting in the middle of the court abandoned.

Haley opened the back door and stepped outside to the cool air. It had begun to get colder in Tree Hill. Not that Haley seemed to notice. 

She walked over to the small bench and sat down on the wooded material. 

"I thought you said you were getting a drink?"

"I thought you said you weren't a stalker."

Her eyes glanced up to his smiling form as he took a seat next to her. 

"Well technically this is my backyard, so it doesn't really fall under the category of stalking, now does it?"

Haley pulled in her bottom lip as she gave her shoulders a playful shrug. 

"I guess not."

She felt her smile growing on her face and right before it could grow any wider it dropped down. Silence filled the space between them and she felt her breathing reach a calm level.

A level it hadn't been at in almost a year.

"Do you play basketball?"

Hey eyes landed on the ball that had yet to still move. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears before letting her gaze travel back to Nathan.

"I did."

His eyebrows knitted together and a small smile almost graced her lips at the line that creased on his forehead. He looked so cute when he was confused.

"What were you bad?"

She let out a light laugh before shaking her head.

"No, I'm actually good, believe it or not."

She gave him a small nudge in the shoulder and he too let out a small chuckle.

"I'll believe it, even though you are only what five foot?"

"Five three thank you very much!"

Her voice sounded in mock hurt but they both let out a small fit of laughter. Once their laughter had died down the silence reentered, but it wasn't like any of the other silences she experienced with other people. It wasn't awkward or forced with Nathan.

It felt peaceful.

"So if you don't mind me asking, why would you stop?"

His voice came rushing back in her head, phrase after phrase and yet she still couldn't clear him out. She couldn't think without him. 

"It's a long story."

"I've got plenty of time."

Haley's eyes connected with his and the air in his lungs felt like it rushed out from the look on her face. She looked so lost, so pained.

"Not enough trust me."

He gave her a simple nod of his head in an understanding manner but Haley knew he was far from understanding her situation. She could barely understand it herself.

It suddenly became increasingly awkward sitting there, both with different thoughts on their minds.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be a buzz kill."

He looked over and gave her a small smile before shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm sorry for pressuring you on it."

Haley shook her head.

"You weren't pressuring it's just talking about it is…" 

"Complicated?" 

Haley let out a small sigh and a smile lit her features.

"Extremely." 

They sat there, eyes connected, both grins growing with each moment. 

"Haley, Nathan time for dinner!"

Both trances were broke as they watched Karen give them a shy smile before reentering the Scott home.

"We should do this more."

Haley gave him an odd look before standing up from the bench.

"What sit in your back yard?"

He rolled his eyes playfully at her before she linked her arm through his and they made their way towards the home.

"Hang out is what I was implying."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and waited for Tim's voice to cloud her mind again.

But her head was strangely quiet.

"Haley?" 

She stopped walking when they reach his back patio and turned to face him.

"Sounds like a plan."

_Promise me you'll never leave._

-Sarah


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"_Timmy let me play!" _

_9-yearold Tim stopped bouncing the orange ball long enough to look down at his 6-yearold sister. She was dressed in a pink flowered summer dress, her hair up in pigtails, and her bright brown eyes staring up at him in such innocence. _

"_Haley you've never even touched a basketball before, why would you want to play now?" _

_His voice was calming, soothing to a stranger but it still didn't stop the pool of tears that spurted in Haley's eyes. He hated to see her cry; he broke when he was the reason for it. Tim Smith was the ultimate bad boy, he snuck out, partied, and yet he was only just hitting his teen years. For a boy living the life he was though, what else could you expect? His father threw money at him to get him out of the house, and his mother was too busy with the twins to ever take notice to him, but his baby sister was different. When she looked up at him with her sparkling eyes he felt needed. He had one weakness, one part of him that could shatter his entire existence if any harm ever came to her. He loved her more then anything in this world. _

_She made living seem worthwhile. _

"_I just wanted to hang out with you." _

_Her bottom lip quivered and Tim immediately sunk down to his knees to be eye level with her. _

"_Come on baby sis. Don't cry." _

_He watched as she slowly nodded her head trying to obey him but her breathing just became more pressured and her chest was starting to heave. Tim panicked as he felt his own heart rate beginning to skyrocket and he quickly let out a hasty sigh before handing her the orange ball. _

"_You want me to teach you how to shoot?"_

_Her appearance took a 180 as the ball touched her small, delicate hands. Her pout turned into a beautiful smile and her eyes sparkled with happiness from the attention Tim was showing her. _

_Tim walked behind his little sister and positioned her arms and hands so that they were in the shooting form. He lifted her up and she raised the ball above her head and watched as it soared through the air. It went down and made a perfect "swoosh" sound from the net. Haley clapped her hands in delight as her brother ran to pick up the ball. _

"_Someday when we're older Hales you'll be so good you can beat me." _

_Haley gave her brother a toothy grin before snatching the ball from his hands. _

"_I can already beat you Timmy!" _

_His smile matched hers and he ran to swoop her up in his arms. _

"_You're just too cute to argue with baby sis." _

_Haley let out a squeal as her brother throw her up and caught her in his arms. He then proceeded to run around their spacious backyard with Haley laughing and smiling from her position on his shoulders. _

She could still feel the muscles in her mouth cramp as that memory came flooding back to her. She was smiling so wide that day that she had to ice her cheeks when they went back in side the house. She missed that feeling.

Smiling to wide.

She walked into the small office and looked at the name platelet on the overly large desk. "Dr. Williams", her new therapist.

God she hated these places. They want you to open up and express you feelings but yet they sit in front of you with a pad of paper and scribble down things that make you feel like the ugly girl in High School. It's like sitting there and watching someone make a burn book about you, but yet you pay thousands of dollars for them to do so.

The door opened and Haley watched as a gray haired man walked in, gave her a charming smile, and then sat behind his desk while folding his hands in front of him.

"Hello Haley."

She looked at him with curiosity and held up her small hand in the waving position.

"Hi."

He sat there still smiling at her, waiting for her to say something else, but when nothing came out of her mouth his smile grew wider as he leaned back in his chair.

"Tell me why you're here?"

And the good times begin. Of course he knew why she was there. He didn't have to play dumb, or treat her like she was suicidal, it was all laid out on paper for him to read, and if he expected her to just open up and rehash out all her old stories, well he was in for a very rude awakening.

Haley turned her eyes from the man and looked out the window.

"You should know, my file is sitting right on your desk."

Her eyes glanced away from the barren window and onto the old man whose eyes in return to her statement widened with amusement.

"Tell me about the night then."

She kept her eyes locked on his and couldn't help but notice how kind they were. He didn't fidget and grow uncomfortable around her, like many others who knew of her past, and he didn't hold any pity in his voice.

She appreciated that.

"Which one?"

He opened the file and took out a pair of thick glasses, which he dusted off and then placed on his head.

"How about we start with the night your father left."

Haley nodded her head as she licked her lips and shrugged her shoulders.

"What do you want to know?"

His eyes glanced up from the papers and he looked Haley over taking in her tough demeanor. She watched as his stare went right through her and her hand started to shake once she realized he could see right through it, and it terrified her to know that he was different. He wouldn't put up with her dodging the questions, and he could tell when she was lying. This was new for Haley.

Most therapists frankly didn't give a sh.

Or were just too stupid to believe anything else.

"What were you doing when it happened?"

Haley folded her hands on her lap to keep them from twitching and then she let out a small sigh.

"I was watching tv."

His eyes squinted and he leaned back further into his chair. He took off his glasses, closed the file, and then crossed his arms over his chest.

"Did you know you have a tell Haley."

"A what?"

"A tell." She looked at him with confusion as the doctor leaned forward in his chair and placed his arms on his desk.

"It's a thing people do when they're lying."

Haley's eyes immediately darted to the floor.

"You see, some people blink in one eye, or tuck a stand of hair behind their ears, but I have to say this is the first time I've seen yours."

Haley pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth and she could feel her anxiety growing in her chest. She felt suffocated, trapped, and like the walls were slowly closing in around her protection layer.

Her lies.

"You see when you lie Haley, your eyebrow just above your left eye slightly rises."

Haley's eyes snapped up to the doctor's and she could see him trying to pry open her soul.

He wanted her to be honest with him. Something she had not done with any human being in a long time.

"So are we ready to get started now?"

Haley sat there clicking her teeth together, her emotions running haywire throughout her body, and the only thing she could register to do was give a simple nod of her head.

"When your father left Haley, what were you doing?"

"I was…" She brought her hands up to her face and gently rubbed at her eyes before slinging them down and letting her voice trail in a whisper.

"I was watching from my window."

"Watching what?"

"I was watching him load suitcases in his car."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and could almost taste her blood in her mouth. She felt her eyes water, but she tried her hardest to push back the pain.

"How old were you?"

"I had just turned 15."

"Did you try to stop him?"

Haley sat in the leather couch, feeling engulfed in it's size, she felt like she had the night she watched her father leave, powerless, weak, useless. She shook her head at his question as her right leg began to shake.

"Why not?"

Haley let out a jagged sigh before shrugging her shoulders.

"I wanted to be him."

"What do you mean Haley?"

Haley looked up at the ceiling to keep from focusing in on the old man's eyes. She felt her walls collapsing. Her security was faltering, and now here she was telling her most inner emotions, the ones she had worked so hard at to hide.

"I wanted to be able to run away too."

Her eyes slowly lowered from the ceiling and her throat became raspy as she sucked down all her tears. The salt stung her throat as it trickled down her mouth.

"You didn't have that option?"

Haley shook her head.

"I couldn't leave my mom and Jake."

"Why not?"

"The guilt."

"The guilt of what?"

She couldn't say it out loud yet. She couldn't allow herself to speak what her mind had been haunting her of every day since it happened. She wasn't ready to reveal her dark secret yet.

She wasn't ready to admit the source of her destruction. The reason behind this "new" Haley as Jake called it.

She was still so fragile to it all, so broken to the truth.

She wouldn't tell the doctor the reason for her guilt; not when she couldn't even tell it to herself.

Haley released her bottom lip from her teeth as she let out a pained sigh.

"They were both still so broken you know?" Haley felt her body shaking as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I had to stay to hold them together. I couldn't just leave."

"But your father could?"

She shook her head as she lowered it.

"It was never about leaving us, to my Dad. It was more about survival."

"What are you trying to say Haley?"

Haley's eyes came back up to meet the doctor's curious stare.

"If he stayed with us he would have died."

"From what? Your family? His job? What Haley?"

"Memories."

Her voice came out in a pained whisper and she could see the shock rise in the eyes of the old man.

"Memories of what?"

Haley's mind started to cloud as his voice began to filter through her head.

"Umm I…" Haley shook her head and tried to clear her intoxicated state. It was one thing knowing her father's reason; it was another thing saying it out loud. "His childhood maybe, I don't really know."

"Your left eyebrow just raised Haley."

Haley's eyes glanced to the window as the tears brimmed her lids.

"Memories of what?"

Haley turned her head and looked at the doctor as a solitary tear fell from her eye.

"Tim."

The first tear to fall in a year.

"Memories of my brother."

"Meet me back here in an hour?"

Haley's eyes scanned the Scott's beach house, which was filled with drunken teenagers and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Hales are you okay?"

She didn't like the party scene. In Seattle she was invited to them, countless times, but she never went. It just felt like she was out of place, like she didn't belong. It also felt like she was letting him down. Tim was a partier, and he always told her how he didn't want her to turn out like him.

He expected so much more from her.

Haley's eyes came up and met Jake. He was scanning her face and looking at her with worry written across his features.

"I'm fine Jake. Be here in an hour, I got it."

Jake looked her over, his features making it evident that he didn't believe her.

"You're sure?"

She nodded her head while giving her brother a small smile.

"I'm okay, I promise. Now go have fun."

He looked her over one last time and then finally shook his head before walking away from her.

She knew she was hurting him, every time she lied, but she couldn't stop it. She wasn't ready to open up to him yet, and she couldn't find any other alternative to still letting him be apart of her life without officially cutting him off.

She also knew that he was one of the few people that could see through her bull. He never questioned her though, he was afraid she would lock up even more, and she knew that she would.

She was too fragile to be opened up.

"Haley?"

A small involuntary smile came to her lips as she turned around and faced the voice behind her.

"Hey Nathan."

She watched as his blue eyes lit up and a smile curled his pink lips.

"When did you get here?"

"Just now."

He nodded his head and took her hand in his. He then bent down and his lips lightly brushed her ear.

"Can I show you something?"

She hesitated. His voice sent chills down her spine and her nerves began to jumble throughout her body. She couldn't answer him; her voice seemed caught in her throat at their close proximity, so instead she just nodded her head and watched as his smile seemed to grow wider and he led her through the crowd of people.

They were entering the kitchen when a high-pitched voice snarled from behind them.

"Well isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

His body seemed to tense as the female walked in front of them. She had long brown hair, piercing green eyes, tall and slender, and she was dressed like a 10-dollar hooker.

"Theresa not now."

"What tying to protect your new play thing Natey?"

Haley's eyes glanced to the ground wanting to escape from this situation. She tried to pull her hand from his, but his grip just tightened with each tug.

"She isn't any of your business."

Her eyes narrowed in on Nathan before glancing over to Haley and looking her up and down.

"Nathan do us both a favor and at least pick a girl that's an upgrade from me."

Haley's mind started to scream at her, telling her to get away. She couldn't handle this.

"I've got to tell you sweetie you're not his type, so do us both a favor and leave."

Her voice dripped with venom and Haley could feel the blood rushing from her face.

"He'll just bag you and leave you little girl."

Haley could feel her eyes watering as she ripped her hand out of Nathan's touch and took a few steps away from him.

"Theresa-"

"What Nathan! Don't try and hide the truth now!"

"I'm going to go-"

Haley pointed over her shoulder signaling her departure but before she could leave Nathan reached out and took her hand in his.

"Haley wait-"

"Well this is defiantly a first."

Haley's eyes glanced away from Nathan's pleading stare and locked on to Theresa.

"I've never seen a girl run away from Nathan Scott."

Theresa's eyes glanced at Nathan and then back at Haley as she narrowed them in.

"He usually does the running, and trust me it doesn't happen this early in the night."

Haley took in a huge gulp as her eyes left Theresa's and then slowly came back to Nathan's. They weren't shinning with anticipation like they were before, now they held a different emotion.

Guilt.

Haley didn't have to question him on it to know what this girl was saying was the truth. She didn't want to deal with getting her heart broken again. It had already been through enough damage to be destroyed once more.

Haley gently pulled her hand from his and gave him one last meaningful look before turning around and walking out of the kitchen. She was almost to the door when she heard his voice calling from behind her.

"Haley wait!"

She let out a deep sigh and stopped walking but kept her back facing him.

"That wasn't what it sounded like."

Haley's eyes lowered to the ground before she turned around and stared back up at Nathan.

"So you don't have meaningless sex with girl's and then leave them the next morning to wake up all alone with no explanation, or are you the nice type and actually stay there and look at them with pity as they get up and collect their clothes to leave?"

"Haley…"

Haley held up her hand to stop any more words from leaving his mouth as her eyes glanced to the side.

"You don't owe me any explanations Nathan."

He reached out his hand to grab hers but she took a small step back lengthening the distance between them.

"I just don't want you to be mad at me."

She shrugged her shoulders as she let out a small sigh.

"How could I be mad Nathan, this is who you are."

She waved a hand around the house motioning to the drunken teens barley making it up the white stairs.

Her eyes finally came back to rest on his and she could see the regret and hope splashed all over his features.

"It's my fault for thinking you were something else."

Her eyes stayed locked on his and she watched as the hope vanished and his eyes took over a look of sadness.

She walked out of the house and onto the streets where she started her long walk home.

When she finally arrived to her red brick house she didn't even notice the silver Bentley sitting in the driveway. As she walked through the door she didn't see the man sitting in her living room. She put one foot on the first step when his voice froze every moving part of her body.

"Haley bear I'm home."

Her eyes closed in pain at his nickname and as she turned around and took in the stranger's appearance she felt as if her whole world had shattered once again.

She looked across the room to see her mother's broken body sitting on their couch but yet making no move to say anything, just sitting there, the light in her eyes darkened without any trace of a sparkle. Only one man had ever been able to break her mother into the person Haley now had her stare transfixed on, and that man was now sitting in their living room and staring at Haley with a wide-toothed grin.

Jimmy James

Her father

-Sarah


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When her eyes glazed over his body she felt her muscles twitch. The blood was slowly draining from her face and she knew it was taking on a sickening pale color. Her muscles grew weak, and she felt as if at any moment she was going to collapse. He wasn't supposed to be here.

He was never supposed to come back.

"Haley bear have a seat."

She watched as his hand pointed to the tan recliner across from the darker brown chair he was sitting in and next to the couch were her mother still sat motionless.

She tried to move her legs, but they wouldn't budge. She just stared at him. God how he had changed. His skin was a darker olive complexion, his hair still brown but lighter with a few gray strands sticking out, and his eyes, still brown, still broken in pieces from their past.

But she didn't care how broken he was. She had no sympathy for him.

"Why are you here?"

Her voice came out in a trailed whisper. Haley's throat felt dry, stiff and unmoving. Her head began spinning as Tim's voice reentered filling her brain with mixtures of phrases and images.

She watched as her father's eyes stared straight into hers never faltering or breaking their gaze.

"I wanted to see you." Haley finally broke their heated stare as her eyes lowered to the ground. "I missed you Haley bear."

Haley drew out a jagged sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest. She never thought she would see him again. She figured once he was gone, everything had a chance of falling back into place. Tim would go back to normal and their family would reunite into a solid unit without him. Everything was supposed to be easier when he left. They were supposed to be happier once he was gone.

She never knew how wrong she would become.

"Bull shit."

Her eyes glazed back up to her father's as she watched them rise in shock.

"Pardon me?"

Haley licked her bottom lip and took in a deep breath for courage.

"You heard me dad. I said bull shit!"

She was angry now. Her voice was cracking with emotion, and her eyes were trying to send out daggers while brushing back the tears. She could never keep her emotions in check when it came to her Dad. Just looking at him made her want to break down. Tim had always been the only person she felt strong with when her Dad came into the picture.

Tim was the only person that could protect her from him.

"Hales-"

Her father stood up from his chair and took a step towards her before she cut him off.

"Don't call me that."

Her voice hissed out with venom and it stopped her father in his tracks.

"Why not Hales?"

She could hear her father beginning to taunt her. Breaking her down slowly, just like he always had.

"Stop it."

"Come on Hales tell me why I can't call you that."

He took a step forward as she clenched her fists together.

"Stop it."

He stopped walking and stared at Haley for a moment before a wicked grin took over his face.

"Is it because Tim called you that Hales? Is that the reason?"

"Stop it!"

Haley's chest was heaving and she could feel her blood begin to boil.

"Don't you dare even say his name!"

"I can say what ever I want Haley I'm still your father!"

"That title was gone the day you left us!"

"I didn't have a choice!"

"You always had a choice!"

His face remained emotionless just staring back at her while she was mere inches from having a break down.

"I just wanted to help my son Haley, why can't you understand that?"

"He was never your son."

Haley watched as her father took another step closer bridging their gap and still staring at her challenging her every move.

"Then what was he Hales?"

Haley visibly flinched as the nickname left his mouth again and she didn't miss how her father's face widened in a grin from her reaction.

"You didn't care about him."

Her voice was angry, not yelling, but not calm. It was an eerie whisper.

"You didn't give him the time of day and when he asked for your help you turned your back on him."

Haley's eyes began to water and she could feel her burning tears as they trickled down her cheek.

"Don't stand here and act like your better then this family, or that you helped him because all you did was run."

Her father stood there, not moving or saying a word, but letting her hash out her hidden anger.

Her voice came out in a hissed whisper as she narrowed her eyes into him.

Brown against Brown.

"You destroyed him."

Her Dad nodded his head and they both stood there in silence. Jimmy finally began to shuffle his feet and headed towards the front door. Before he could open it though and walk out he stopped in front of Haley and whispered his next words.

"I'm not the one who killed him though Haley bear."

Haley's eyes shut tight in pain as his words cut through her. He brought his mouth closer to her ear and she felt her body weakening with each moment.

"You took care of that one all by yourself."

He moved his lips down from her ear and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. She could feel it burn as his lips made contact with her skin. She didn't hear the door open and close signaling his departure, and she didn't notice her mother stand up and leave the room to go into the kitchen where she would either drink herself into oblivion, or cry until she passed out.

The only thing she could hear was Tim's muffled voice in her mind, and her heart breaking with each moment. She didn't feel her body hit the floor or the tears as they formed a puddle around her body. She was numb to her world, and the only thing she could understand was the last words Tim said to her.

_Promise me you'll never leave._

_It was Haley's 15th birthday. Her friends had taken her out earlier to the movies and the mall and she had just gotten home with a few shopping bags in hand. She looked around her abandoned living room and leaned back on the front door while letting out a depressed sigh. _

_Of course her mom wouldn't be home on her birthday. She was probably out at the local bar, or a strip club wasting money on cheap lap dances from men who probably had STDs. _

_Haley shook her head before heading up the stairs of their 3-story home. She paused as she reached his room. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth before slowly opening it to see it disheveled. His posters were torn off the wall, his sheets placed every which way across the room, open condom wrappers on the floor, and a bottle of cocaine placed on his nightstand. _

_A centimeter away from being empty. _

_He wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. _

_Haley tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let her eyes fill with tears. _

_When did she lose him? _

_She looked around his room one last time before leaving and then proceeding down the hallway. She saw the light on in his office through the crack. She dropped her shopping bags by the floor and placed her hand on the doorknob. She quickly whipped away her fallen tears and let out a deep breath of air. She slowly turned the knob and entered the room to see her father rummaging through files on his desk. _

"_Hey Haley bear." _

_She gave her dad a light smile and then cautiously entered the room. _

"_Hi Daddy." _

_Her voice was fragile and soft. She walked towards his desk and took a seat in his client's chair. _

"_How was your day?" _

_Haley gave her shoulders a light shrug while tensing in his chair. He had still yet to look up from his files. _

"_Pretty good I guess." _

_Haley's father nodded his head before scratching off something on the paper. _

"_That's nice." _

_Haley shook her head and forced back the waterfall of tears she knew were threatening to fall from her brown eyes. _

_He hadn't even told her Happy Birthday. _

_She sat there staring at him work. This was the third time he had forgotten about her special day. The first time he bought her a pony, the second he gave her a shopping spree, and she was guessing that this time he would just hand over his credit card. _

_Why waste his time spending it with her. _

_Haley kept her focus zeroed in on her father until he finally looked up from his stack of papers and caught her longing stare. _

"_What Haley?" _

_His voice sounded irritated, and it struck her like knifes through her heart. She wouldn't let that stop her from finally telling him what he needed to hear, she would stay strong on the outside, hoping it would open his eyes to what was happening in their world. _

"_He needs help Dad." _

_Her father's eyes immediately darted back down to his file as he picked up his pen and began scratching things off again. _

"_Not now Haley." _

_His voice was ruff, angry, and it frustrated Haley to her breaking point. _

"_Then when Dad! When he overdoses? When the cops call and tell us they found him unconscious in some random alley!" _

_Haley cut her eyes into her father and watched as he still continued to write things down on his latest case, and not looking up to give her the time of day. _

"_When will it be enough for you Dad?" Her voice was in a soft pained whisper as she shook her head at her father's now stilled figure. _

"_When he dies? Will it be enough for you then?" _

_Her father sat there not moving, not speaking, and not bringing his head up to meet her gaze. He was a coward, and she knew this, but yet she also knew this was her only hope. The only way she could save her big brother. Her heart grew cold as she watched him pick up his pen and continue his work, and that's when she felt her blood begin to boil. _

_And when all hell broke loose. _

"_God damn it Dad say something!" _

_She stood up from the chair and snatched his papers on his desk and through them across the room. _

"_Stop being such an idiot Dad and open your eyes!" _

_Her father stood up quickly and snapped his hate filled stare onto his daughter's. _

"_What do you want me to do Haley! You want me to tell him to stop!" _

_He shook his head and she watched as his fists clenched together on his desk. _

"_What will that solve Haley!"_

"_It will let him know that you love him, instead of just ignoring him like you've been doing since he was born!" _

"_I don't ignore him."_

_His voice growled as Haley's face and voice grew cold. _

"_That's right I forgot, you give him money once a week so he can go buy the heroin and crack, your not ignoring him at all your just trying to get rid of him." _

"_Don't stand in front of me and pretend that you're innocent in all this Haley because the last time I checked you weren't doing a damn thing to stop him either." _

"_I might not have stepped up earlier but at least I wasn't funding his problems!" _

"_Wake up little girl and face the real world! Your brother's a fuck up, a disgrace, so don't blame me for trying to protect this family!" _

_Haley's eyes widened in shock before she shook her head and looked at her father with disgust. _

"_Last time I checked he was still your son and apart of this family." _

_Her father's eyes settled on hers before letting out his next blow to her heart. _

"_Not by my choice." _

_Haley's eyes narrowed into his as she swiftly brought her hand up and connected it with his cheek. She watched as his head jerked from the hard contact, and almost smiled at the imprint her hand left on his cheek._

"_You bastard." _

_Haley took a step back and felt her anger starting to subside with anguish and pain now taking over. _

"_You can't blame me for wanting to save what's left of this family Haley." _

_Haley nodded her head as she let her eyes finally waver from the man she now despised. _

"_Your right Jimmy I can't." _

_She watched her father flinch when she called him by his name and it brought a sick empowering feeling to her. She slowly turned around and walked a few steps reaching his door. She placed her hand on the doorknob but turning to face him one more time._

"_But I will blame you when he dies." _

_She watched as her father's eyes immediately darted to the ground at her words. _

"_I pray to god that his memories haunt you until the day I have the pleasure of burying you 6 feet under the ground." _

_She licked her bottom lip and felt the tears finally begin to trickle down her cheeks. _

"_Rot in hell, murder." _

_She knew her final words had hit him hard as his body fell into his chair and she watched as he clutched his hair with his hand and a sob left his throat. She didn't care though. He had already destroyed every part of her that felt sorry for him. She left the office and entered her room where she dropped down to the floor and finally collapsed in agony. _

_Her father left that night, abandoning her and the only answer she could find to her problem. _

_All Tim had ever wanted was for their father to notice him, maybe not even love him, but just to acknowledge that he was alive. He did things to try and stand out, make him see him, but her father never cared. He was just there to bail him out of jail and throw more money in his face. _

_Haley figured if her father cornered Tim and told him to go and get help that he would because that's all Tim had ever wanted from his life, a father he could love. All Tim wanted was to know that their father had faith in him. _

_She heard the front door open and close and she slowly made her way to her windowsill to see what was going on outside. _

_She watched as her father packed away suitcase after suitcase in his new silver Bentley. She felt a nauseating feeling hit her stomach as her father looked up and connected his eyes with Haley one last time, and then he abruptly looked away, got into his car, and drove off, and Haley knew that he was gone. He left them. _

_Not even bothering to say Happy Birthday._

_Or even goodbye. _

Her breathing finally calmed a few minutes latter and her tears were now beginning to slow down. Her head started to ache as her father's words came rushing back to her and the memory seemed to be replaying in her thoughts scene by scene as she sat there in her living room unmoving. Her hand swiftly rose to her cheek and she could still feel a stinging sensation from where her father's lips had planted only hour's prior.

The only thing her body could function to do was run.

Run out of the house and out of that moment.

Her body began to shake from exhaustion and she finally planted her self down on the wooden docks. The place she found herself running to.

She stayed there in the dark for a long few moments, just listening to the quit chips of the grasshoppers.

She didn't here his shuffled feet or sense the presence of another body sitting next to her; all she could feel was emptiness.

"I was hoping I'd run into you."

Haley finally snapped out of her haze to see his crystal blue eyes staring at her with an honest intensity.

She nodded her head and then turned it back to look at the water.

"I just wanted to say that what happened back there was…"

"The truth."

She didn't mean to sound defensive but she couldn't help but let the words slip from her mouth.

"Haley look if I could take back my past I would-"

"But you can't."

She turned her head and let her brown eyes finally connect back to his, and for once she realized she could sympathize with Nathan Scott.

He wanted to erase his past and she longed to be able to take hers back.

She had no room to judge what she too prayed would happen.

"I'm sorry Haley."

"For what Nathan? I'm the one who overreacted."

He looked at her confused as she gave him a small smile.

"I should have stayed and let you explain but instead I just ran."

Haley shook her head as her smile dropped and her father's memory came haunting back to her.

"Something I've been getting rather good at these days."

Her voice was bitter, and he sensed it.

"I just don't want you to think that I'm just one of those guys."

Haley shook her head as she placed her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I don't."

His face suddenly broke from its depressed frown into a glowing smile.

"It's just you said you thought-"

"You were who you were Nathan and I have no room to judge you on that."

His smile dropped a little and his eyes looked at her questioningly.

"Look Haley I'm not trying to sound rude here but why are you so understanding all of a sudden, it's not like I mind, because hey I'm beyond grateful that you are it's just a few hours ago…"

"A few hours ago I was pretending to forget things about my own past."

She let out a small sigh before turning her eyes back onto the water.

_I just don't want you to be mad at me." ___

_She shrugged her shoulders as she let out a small sigh. ___

_"How could I be mad Nathan, this is who you are." ___

_She waved a hand around the house motioning to the drunken teens barley making it up the white stairs. ___

_Her eyes finally came back to rest on his and she could see the regret and hope splashed all over his features. ___

_"It's my fault for thinking you were something else."_

Her voice trailed off in a whisper as she thought back to what she said to Nathan earlier on that night.

"But tonight I was reminded of who I am, and that I was the one pretending to be something else."

She let out a small sigh as she shook her head.

"I just understand now that you can't take away the things that happened in your past."

She felt a gulp go down her throat and Tim's voice started whispering in her ear again.

"No matter how hard you try."

She forgot that her hand was placed on Nathan's but soon came back to realize it when she felt his fingers interlock with hers and then brought them up to give her hand a small kiss.

Things with Nathan would be different now.

Their relationship would lead to his questions, and his questions would lead to either her lies or her memories.

She didn't know which was better to choose from.

She could only hear Tim's words echoing.

_Promise me you'll never leave._

She looked down to her interlocked fingers with Nathan and brought her eyes up to his face and the small genuine smile that curled on his lips.

Maybe Tim was sending her a sign with his words.

And maybe it was a warning.

-Sarah


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Haley had woken up the next morning to the burning sunlight skimming through her window shades. She lazily rubbed her eyes before sitting up and stretching her arms. She sat there in silence letting the morning haze overtake her before she heard the gagging sound coming from across the hall.

Her mother had risen early this morning too it seemed, throwing up her pain from the night before.

Haley quickly got up from her bed, threw her hair into a ponytail, put on a pair of basketball shorts, and a loose white t-shirt, and sprinted down her stairs and out the front door.

She couldn't take the sound. Her mother throwing up all the alcohol she had ingested the night before, and Haley couldn't stop the feeling of guilt that rose in her own stomach.

Everything always seemed to be her fault in this family.

She let out a tired sigh before slowly beginning her jog down the quiet streets of Tree Hill, she didn't know where she was going, she just continued to move her feet one after the other.

She stopped when she saw it. It was illuminated by the morning rays; glistening sparkles came off the rust. It looked so gothic, so worn down in most ways, and it drew her in like a moth to a flame. The basketball court couldn't have been in a better location. Next to the water, green grass fields surrounding it, and a basketball she had immediately noticed sitting in an empty trashcan. She couldn't stop her fingers as they picked up the ball, or the way it spun in her hands, she wasn't coherently thinking as the ball dribbled on the ground, and she defiantly didn't plan on letting the ball fly loose from her fingertips, sailing through the air, and landing directly through the net for a perfect "swoosh" effect.

She heard the distant sound of a clap coming from behind her, and once she shook her head from her live daydream she turned around to see a smirking Nathan standing there looking at her with amusement and perplexity.

"You weren't lying were you."

Haley shrugged her shoulders as she turned around and stared at the now stilled ball.

"I'm descent, not great."

She felt his presence as he stood next to her and could feel his body heat radiating off of him.

"Perfect form, perfect release, perfect shot, but your right Haley, your not good at all, in fact I would say your horrible."

She let out a light giggle before turning and hitting him lightly in the arm.

"Hey!"

He held his hands up in mock surrender as a light chuckle escaped his lips.

"I'm just agreeing with you Hales."

Her lips curled as the nickname left his lips, and then fell when she remembered her conversation with her father, and could feel her body tense as the name replayed over and over in her head, taunting at her.

Nathan noticed the way her body now seemed shut off, and watched as a crease formed on her forehead.

"What's wrong?"

His concern was touching, and she was grateful for it, but the last thing she wanted to do was go over what she had just experienced. She simply wanted to forget it, erase it from her long list of traumatic experiences. 

"Nothing's wrong I was just thinking."

"About what?"

Haley racked her brain for something she could say that would throw him off his direction. She knew he didn't believe her, and she also knew that he still believed something was wrong with her.

She turned her head so that she was now standing in front of him and snatched the ball that he had tucked under his arm. 

"About how I'm going to beat your butt in basketball for calling me horrible Scott."

He gaze turned from worried to amused as he towered over the 5'3 girl.

"I'll believe that when I see it James."

Haley spun the ball in her hands and let out a small sigh of failure as she thought about how she had sworn this up since Tim was gone. She looked up at the sky and said a mental apology before letting the ball slide through her fingers and it soared through the net.

"Oh believe it Scott, and I believe the score is 1 zip, make it take it to 10."

Nathan titled his head to the side as he stared down at her with playful eyes.

"Now that's not fair Haley James."

Haley picked up the ball as it rolled back to her and shot it again.

"Who ever said this was going to be fair? The score is now 2 zip Nathan Scott, if I was you I'd start playing some D."

His smile grew wider and Haley couldn't stop her own grin from applying to her lips.

"Your going to regret that Ms. James."

She faked the ball and then fell back for a perfect fade away. Nathan watched the ball fall through the net and stared back at Haley amazed. She gave him a wink before a smirk planted on her lips.

"I highly doubt that Mr. Scott."

They had played 4 games. Haley had won the first three and Nathan had finally redeemed himself with a win at the end. They were now sitting on top of the picnic table both slightly winded from their work out. 

"It feels good."

Nathan turned to her shock written across his features as Haley socked him in his shoulder. 

"Stop thinking dirty Scott, I meant playing again."

He gave her an innocent smile and she playfully rolled her eyes at him. 

"Why'd you give it up anyway? Your one hell of a player Haley, and I'm not just saying that because you beat me."

Her brown eyes stared up at his and a smirk immediately came to her lips at the mention of his defeat.

"Okay maybe I am, but still your amazing out there."

Haley nodded her head while taking her eyes off of him and allowing them to trace back to the court. 

"Thanks, but you were easy."

She heard the small scoff that came from his mouth and turned to look at his playful hurt face.

"Haley James you do know your talking to the caption of the Tree Hill Ravens right?"

"Wow, I feel bad for this town then, your team must really suck."

She gave him a wide smile before letting a giggle escape her lips signaling she was just messing with him. Nathan joined her and let his own laugh leave his lips before his voice picked up again.

"We're actually third in state right now."

The way he said it made her like him. It didn't come off as cocky, or make him seem bigheaded, but it was said in a dream like tone. She could tell how lucky he viewed himself to be, with the position he was in.

And she found herself falling deeper and deeper into his charm.

"That's amazing Nathan."

He nodded his head while letting his eyes glaze over the court.

"Yeah it's defiantly that." 

Haley lightly leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. It was weird feeling this comfortable around him. She barely knew him, but yet she felt as if he was the only one she truly knew. Everyone else seemed like they were hiding something, but Nathan, he was just an open book and that's what she found so appealing about him.

The fact that he accepted her, and never pushed her. He just wanted to be with her, no hidden agendas attached. It had been so long since she last remembered having someone of that nature in her life.

"You should try out when school starts."

Her thoughts shifted to Tim, as she lifted her head from Nathan's shoulder. Could she do that? Could she start playing a sport her brother loved so much? A sport that he nonetheless had taught her? Was she strong enough to walk onto a court and play, really play, and not feel like that was betraying her brother? Was ready to finally let go?

She watched the ball roll from the slight gust of wind and couldn't help but feel the calmness she had just experienced moments before.

The truth was she missed it. She missed playing, being able to have an outlet for her problems.

She turned her head and looked at Nathan's blue eyes, and felt the security as his stare poured into her body. 

"Maybe."

He nodded his head taking her answer for what it was. Not pushing her, or telling her that she needed to do it, but he let her think it over. He let her make up her own decision. Something she hadn't done in so long.

Her eyes left his body as she stared back at the abandoned court.

She finally felt like she was home.

"Mom told me about last night Hales."

Haley nodded her head while keeping it focused on staring at the stores as they passed by the passenger window. The car slowed at the stoplight and she could feel Jake's impatient stare on the side of her face.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

Haley let out a small sigh before turning her head and letting her eyes connect with her brother's.

"Not really."

Jake's face constructed into anger as he rolled his eyes at Haley and turned his attention back to the stoplight that had just turned green. Haley didn't miss the flash of hurt that lit them.

"Jake don't do that."

"Do what?"

His voice was irritated and ruff and it was killing Haley to know she made him this way. 

"Be mad at me."

He nodded his head while keeping his focus on the road; she looked down to the steering wheel to see his knuckles turning white from gripping it so hard.

"Jake I'm sorry okay! I just don't want to talk about it."

She could feel her own frustration growing as her voice started to pick up volume.

"You never want to talk about it Haley!" 

Haley's eyes shut close as Jake's voice screamed in her ear.

"I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but I don't know if I can keep doing that Haley."

Haley's head nodded as she took in a deep breath to calm her shaky nerves. 

"It's almost as if I don't know my baby sister anymore."

The car came to a stop as Jake parked outside her therapist's building. Haley looked up at all the windows and offices before turning and staring at her broken brother.

"Did you ever?"

She watched his eyes lower and she quickly got out of the car. She couldn't take it anymore.

All his questions, and badgering. Of course she knew it was from good intentions, but it was just all so complex, so suffocating.

Haley quickly made her way up to the doctor's office before stopping in front of it and inhaling a quick deep breath. She knew this was going to be hard, everything about this was screaming at her to run. Get out now, before she was in to deep, but she couldn't. There was a stronger force pushing for her to step forward and open the door. 

She slowly opened the door and walked in to see the doctor staring down at a file and marking things off with his bright orange pen.

"Your late Ms. James."

She stumbled over to the leather couch and quickly sat down, while mumbling an apology. 

"Sorry."

He sat his pen down before leaning back in his chair and giving her a kind smile.

"It's quite alright."

The way he spoke reminded Haley of a British gentleman. So proper and refined.

"So how about we get started?"

His voice hinted at curiosity, excitement if you will, and it almost made her shutter. She simply nodded her head without responding and waited for his first dreaded question about her past to pop up.

"Have you met any new friends Haley?" 

Haley was thrown off guard to the old man's question and as a sparkle of amusement flickered in his eyes she felt more and more confused with this man's "techniques."

"A couple." 

He nodded his head while narrowing his eyes into her.

"Do any of them know?"

She licked her bottom lip as she shrugged her shoulders in mock confusion.

"Know what?" 

He lifted his glasses high up his nose before staring her down. She knew his patience was wearing thin, but she could also see how well he was keeping his demeanor composed.

"About your past Haley."

The way he was looking at her could have made any other human being feel small, or inadequate, almost as if he was talking to a 5 year old, but for Haley she didn't feel as if she was being scolded.

For some reason it made her feel confident, comfortable even.

"No, not really."

His question made her mind wonder off to Nathan. She wasn't lying to the doctor, because Nathan didn't know about her past. He might have been clued in on the fact that she had some skeletons in her closet but besides that he had no idea.

And yet thinking over it she almost wished he had known.

"Did something happen over the weekend?"

She sunk back into the couch as she fiddled her thumbs on her lap.

"My father was here." 

Haley's eyes came up to the doctor's as he took off his glasses and stared back at her for a moment.

"And how did that go?"

Haley shrugged her shoulders as her eyes lifted up to the ceiling.

"Alright I guess." She raised her eyebrows as a frustrated sigh left her lips. "Could have been worse."

"How so?"

Haley's eyes drifted down from the ceiling and met back with his.

"Well he could be dead." She licked her bottom lip again as she folded her arms across her chest. "But then again that probably would have made it better not worse."

"Haley why do you hate your father so much?"

Haley's eyes snapped to the doctor's and when her mouth opened to respond it just as quickly shut, as she realized no words were coming out. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth aand let out a tired sigh.

"A lot of reasons."

Dr. Williams nodded his head while giving Haley a small shrug.

"Like what?"

"He left me isn't that reason enough!"

She didn't mean to raise her voice. She hadn't even meant to say what she had. It just slipped. She leaned back from her up right position that she was previously in and gave the doctor an apology through her eyes. When she locked her gaze with his he didn't look taken back, or even shocked by her outburst, he was more relieved. Thankful that she was at least feeling now, showing her emotions to him.

"Why did he leave Haley?"

"I don't know."

She cast her eyes away from his and lowered them to the ground. Her voice was now whispered and each moment she spent in the room felt like she was being forced to open her old wounds.

"Yes you do." 

Haley shook her head as tears sprung to her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's to hard."

The room fell silent as Haley's pained whisper filled the room. The doctor studied her for a moment before speaking again.

"Death is a horrible thing to deal with Haley."

Haley's eyes focused in on the floor as she inhaled a much-needed breath. She knew where he was going with this and she didn't want to deal with it. She couldn't bear to hear it.

"And I can't even imagine what you must have gone through, when you were informed-"

"I wasn't informed Doctor."

She finally allowed her broken eyes to trail up and meet the doctor's confused stare. Her voice came out in a small whisper, so delicate and broken.

"I'm the one who found him."

Her mind clouded over with the image of Tim. She closed her eyes and hid her face in her hands trying to block out the memory. This is what she was so terrified of, remembering it. Remembering the way his body had a pool of blood surrounding him, or the way she crouched down beside him to see the gun in his fingers. She could still see his lifeless eyes staring back up at her, wide open, while he lay there dead. Sometimes she would snap out of a daydream and still see his blood covering her hands, and she could still feel the silence suffocating her as she sat there staring at her nightmare.

Not knowing what to do, not being able to open her mouth, and just staring at her hero. She could still feel her heart rate quicken, and her lungs begin to heave up and down in a faster motion, and she could almost physically rehash the snail movement of it all. It had felt as if her world was moving at an unbearable slow rate.

"That's not on your file." 

Haley nodded her head while brushing away a few stray tears. 

"It's because no one else knows."

The doctor's face constructed in sympathy as he stared at the broken girl sitting in front of him.

"You should tell your family Haley, maybe it would help them understand."

Haley shook her head as she rubbed her tired eyes.

"They've already been through too much. I can't just throw this on them. I mean my mom, she's barely holding up as it is, and Jake would just smother me even more, and I can't deal with that right now."

Haley looked at the doctor and watched as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. She terrified him, and she knew why. No one could understand how Haley James had remained so strong, so unbreakable on the outside. Any other person would have gone insane with the struggle Haley was put up against, but Haley just stood still and let the storm take over her. In some ways, she became her own fight.

She was her own struggle.

"It wasn't your fault Haley, and I know you want to take the fall for this, but people who do these things aren't looking for people to take their blame. In the end it's because their tired of blaming themselves. They're looking for an easy way out." 

Haley nodded her head at the doctor's words, not really processing them or understanding them, but nevertheless taking them in. Her mind was still flooded with Tim's image.

The only true image she could seem to remember.

"What they don't understand is suicide is never an easy way out, when you leave behind people who truly care."

Haley's eyes fell from the doctor's and before she knew it the session was over and she was walking out of his door.

_Suicide. _

The one word that seemed to destroy every living part in her body, but yet here she was still standing, still breathing.

Her mind flashed back to the image that seemed to haunt her in her dreams and she leaned on the wall of the building for stability.

_Suicide. _

For some reason Haley couldn't fit that word to her brother's death.

It didn't feel right.

The image flashed again in her mind. She opened her eyes slowly as the image started to finally haze out, and it left her mind in a confused state.

It didn't look right either.

-Sarah


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Haley was walking out of her fist period class when she felt her books sweep out of her hands. She quickly looked up, about to give who ever had just taken her things a piece of her mind, when she found Nathan's smirking form looking through her text books.

"What is this junk?"

Haley rolled her eyes before snatching her books back from his hands.

"It's called Medical Terminology Nathan."

He nodded his head before slinging his arm around her shoulders.

"And to me that just means…junk."

He looked down at her to give her a quick charming smile before his smirk took back it's place on his mouth as he looked back up at the crowded hall. She had noticed as her and Nathan began to hang out more often that people tended to stare, a lot. The guys mostly just gave Nathan a quick nod before giving Haley a very quick look over before sending their gaze anywhere but at them. They didn't want Nathan to notice them checking her out, and the girls, well they just didn't like them together. To put into nice terms.

"Why do you do that?"

Haley abruptly stopped walking and Nathan halted his feet and stared down at Haley's confused stare.

"Do what Hales? Call classes junk?"

Haley shook her head and was about to open her mouth as one of Nathan's friends called his name and he quickly snapped his eyes to his friend gave them a quick nod and then looked back at her.

"Do what Hales?"

Haley suddenly felt overwhelmed and as if a million people were now suddenly staring at them.

"Never mind."

She forced a small smile on her lips as she continued walking only to have gained a few steps before Nathan's hand touched her shoulder and he sidestepped in front of her.

"No tell me."

Haley looked around at all the people passing by and let out a small sigh. 

"It's just, with me you have this smile, and with everyone else..."

His head titled to the side, as he understood where she was going with this.

"I don't."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just confused."

Nathan's smirk reappeared on his face as he his voice let out a playful Innocence.

"About?" 

Haley let out a frustrated sigh.

"Come on Nathan be serious."

He stopped the smile that was tugging at his lips as he placed his hands on her shoulder.

"Look Haley, with you it's just different."

"How?" 

It took him a moment before he responded with a shrug and a small smile etched on his lips.

"You make me feel normal, like I can be myself, and I'm not just some big shot basketball player."

Haley pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she felt her lips moving to meet his smile.

"Well you don't have to every worry about me thinking that."

She took his hands off her shoulders as she began to walk down the hallways. It only took a few moments before she felt his familiar presence by her and his arm back around her shoulders.

"And why's that James."

Haley stopped in front of her class as she patted his cheek in mock affection.

"Because I beat you horribly in basketball Nathan, I would never think you're a big shot."

She gave him a playful smile before entering her class and taking a seat in her desk.

She couldn't help but over hear two girls who walked in a few moments latter.

Gossiping about Nathan Scott standing in front of their class, dumbstruck with a slight smile on his lips.

She had woken up early the next day. It was 3am and yet she had never felt more awake. Haley quietly got out of her bed and stretched her arms over her head. Her feet felt as if they had entered a bucket of ice as they hit the cold wooden floor. She quickly made her way down the hallway and then proceeded down the oversized staircase.

She had never felt so entirely alone. Even after she had found…him, it still didn't hold this type of quietness, this type of stillness. Her mind seemed to be jumbled. Her thoughts were on overdrive ever since her last therapy appointment and her emotions felt as if they were overtaking her, overpowering her ability to think.

Haley made her way through the living room and into the kitchen until she placed her hand on the sliding patio door and opened it to step outside to the humid air. It was 3am and probably 75 degrees outside; august was defiantly the hot month for Tree Hill. Haley made her way down the familiar path of her backyard and entered the white gazebo she had found herself being pulled to. She sat down on the bench and exhaled a deep breath.

No matter how many times she tried to convince herself to let it go, she couldn't. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt, of pain, of puzzlement. She was so confused by it all because she knew it wasn't what the police said, the newspapers had lied, and the autopsy, well the doctor must have been paid off, because Haley new it wasn't suicide.

Her brother would never take his own life.

The blood splattered across the room might say that he did it; the gun in his hand could be his conviction, and the bullet in the side of his head might be the final proof anyone would need to rule it out as a cracked out kid playing with a gun, but Haley knew better.

She was the one who found him. She was the one who saw the look in his wide-open dead eyes.

He was terrified.

She heard the pebble stones begin to move ahead of her and snapped out of her thoughts to see a disheveled Jake standing in front of her, with basketball pj pants on and a plain white t-shirt.

"What are you doing up this early Hales?"

Haley's mind was still reeling as she let her eyes glance up at her brother. 

"I couldn't sleep."

She watched as he took careful steps towards her sitting himself down on the same bench but leaving just enough space between them.

"Well that much is obvious Hales." She heard the light tone in his voice and it brought an involuntary smile to her lips.

"Why couldn't you?"

Her smile immediately dropped and she turned her head away from Jake and faced it forward. She heard the small sigh that left his mouth, and she knew she was killing him. Each moment that she let herself stay caught up in it all, she inflicted pain not only on herself but especially on him.

"Haley-" 

"Jake do you ever think that maybe just maybe some things aren't always what they seem?"

"I guess, what exactly are you trying to say Hales?"

Haley's eyes skimmed back up to her brother's and connected with his worried glance.

"It's just sometimes I think about things, and I just wonder what if the story ended differently."

"I'm not really following you Hales."

Haley's eyes tore more into her brother's and her voice started to pick up on her feeling, on her determination to make him understand.

"It's just you see things, and you think you have them figured out, like you know exactly how it happened and then one day you realize that, that's not what happened." Her voice deflated in her emotion and she found it now releasing in a pained whisper. "The answer they give you is really the farthest from the truth."

"Your not making any sense here baby sis."

"But I am Jake, can't you see it!" She grabbed his hands and clutched them tight as Jake's form stiffened in uncertainty.

"Can't you feel it Jake."

Her voice was now whispered as Jake's confused eyes started to clear over in an understanding picture, and that's when she felt the pull of his hands from hers.

"Haley stop, you don't know what your talking about."

His voice was stern, powerful in the sense of danger. Anger even.

"But I do Jake, everything is starting to make sense now."

Jake shook his head as he stood up and started to pace.

"He's dead Haley! How much more clearer do you need it to be!"

"You have to feel it Jake."

He stopped pacing and now looked at his sister with disgust, and it stung. She shattered even more now being scrutinized under her brother's raze.

"Feel what Haley?"

She sucked in a deep breath before standing up and meeting his gaze dead in the eye.

"Feel the lies."

He shook his head and threw his hands up in the air. She knew she was losing him, each second in this moment he became farther and farther away from her, to the point that she felt as if the world was standing in between them. She could feel his anger faltering, leaving him broken before her.

A look she couldn't handle any better.

"What lies Haley?"

She felt the strong gulp go down her throat, and she could feel her heart begin to race. Her eyes narrowed a little and she closed them for just an instance to keep back the tears.

"Tim didn't kill himself Jake."

Jake's form remained stilled as he took in her words. He didn't move, didn't breath, and she felt as if her world had stopped. She watched him for what felt like an eternity until his face faltered and his head hung low before he crossed his arms over his chest, and she knew at this very moment she had lost him. He hadn't believed one word.

"I've dealt with a lot this past year Haley." She watched his eyes glaze the ground until they looked up but away from her. "A lot from dad leaving, from mom's drinking."

Haley pulled in her quivering lip as she listened to her brother.

"I've seen mom break down so hard, I've listened for countless nights as she cried for hours on end, and I…" His voice trailed as his arms uncrossed from his chest and slowly came back to his sides defeated.

"I've always kept hope that she would someday come around." His eyes finally tore back into hers and she could feel her world falling down around her, piece by piece as his broken voice filled the air around them.

"The little boy inside me has always thought that dad would come back, and everyday I look at you and I pray with every fiber in my body that on that day you will look at me again, and that spark in your eyes will just light up, and you'll be you."

His words froze her and she couldn't feel the tears that were now flowing down her rosy cheeks.

"You'll be my little sister again."

Her eyes broke from his as she crossed her arms over her chest trying to hold herself together, telling herself over and over to not break down.

"I've always doubted that those things will never come true though Haley, there's always been that voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that those things will never happen."

Haley let out a shaky breath and then felt a rush of air knock out of her as her brother's pained voice now took over in a angered tone.

"But there's one thing I've never doubted Haley."

Haley snapped her eyes to her brother's as she pleaded with him not to say it, to just believe her.

"Tim committed suicide Haley."

Haley rapidly brushed away a fallen tear as she shook her head and took a hurried step towards Jake's hard stoned form.

"He didn't kill himself Jake! Why can't you believe me!"

"Because I saw the pictures Haley! He had the fucking gun in his hand what more proof do you need!"

His face was now angry, his voice livid, and she felt the disgust his body language was now sending her from even standing in the same air as her.

"But his cocaine vile was there-"

"All the more evidence-"

"It was full Jake!"

She felt her chest start to heave up and down and she felt her breathing become more and more erratic.

"You know as well as I do that Tim could never kill himself unless he was on something."

"I don't know that Haley."

His eyes glanced down the ground before coming back up to meet hers.

"In fact now that I think about it I didn't know him at all."

"But you know me Jake!" Her hands came up to his cheeks to stop his leaning head and hold it in place so that he was facing her straight on. "You know me big brother."

She watched as his eyes swiftly went down and she could feel his wall crumpling. She could feel him letting her in, and as his eyes snapped back up to hers and she felt the cold rush fill her body from her contact of her hands on his cheeks, she knew his wall was already rebuilt.

"You've made it pretty clear that I don't."

Haley's hands dropped from his face and she took a small step back.

"Why won't you believe me?"

Her eyes pleaded into his and she was met with nothing. He just stood there, unmoving, uncaring, and lifeless.

"Because I know you think you're the reason he did it, and now your trying to find an excuse so that you can run from your guilt."

She felt her anger begin to boil and she made her voice go into a monotone anger, mirroring his own.

"That's not what this is about-"

"Isn't though?"

Haley licked her bottom lip as her arms folded tighter around her body.

"You told him either he went to rehab or he was out, and not just out of the house, but out of your life Haley."

Haley could feel her anger begin to subside as anguish started to gain control over her fragile body.

"You knew if there was one thing that would push him it was threatening your relationship with him, and I know you blame yourself for the fight you two had. I can still feel the tension that filled that room, when you told him…"

Haley's whispered voice picked up and she felt her body fall down onto the bench.

"I hate you."

She had never meant for those words to come out to him. Tim was never supposed to be the one to hear those words, especially as his last. She loved him with every fiber in her body, and watching him ruin his life with every hit he took was breaking her more and more. She had thought if she told him that, he would go, he would get help. She didn't know that it would…be the send off to his death.

"I never blamed you Haley. Not once did I look at that moment and think you were the reason, even when everyone else in our family was putting the blame on you, I didn't, not once."

Haley's hand came up and ran shakily through her hair, and then her eyes slit into his.

"How dare you."

His eyes looked at her with confusion as she stood up and quickly walked over to him to face him toe to toe.

"How dare you stand there and throw that in my face! Who do you think you are Jake! Here's a little news flash for you though you're not the hero in this story! Don't stand there and try to make yourself look like an angel because at least I stood up to him and tried to get him help!"

Haley's anger began to take over and she found herself pushing her brother in the chest.

"I told the one person I loved more then anything that I hated them, and I swear I felt as if my heart had stopped beating that day! But at least, at least I tried to save him."

She watched as her brother took a step back from her push and looked down at her, still cold, but with more hatred for her shinning through from his eyes.

"All you did was stand there, not uttering one single word!"

Haley whipped away her tears as she shook her head at Jake and then stepped back to sit back down on the bench.

"You were a coward Jake, nothing remotely close to being the hero."

Jake stood there not moving. He just stared at her, as if she had just revealed the biggest secret in the world. She knew it would all be different now. He wouldn't be there for her, hounding her on her feelings, pressuring her to open up, and for a strange reason she didn't feel pain for ruining the relationship with her brother.

She felt relieved.

"If I was the coward, what were you?"

His comment was meant to hurt, and it did. It stung her like knifes through her heart. She watched his body as it retreated to the house, and she couldn't help but notice the way his shoulders were slumped down, in defeat.

Her mind began to jumble again as different thoughts and pictures filled her vision, and then her mind froze on one particular image.

Why she had never noticed it before stunned her.

Here she was a lifetime latter and now just piecing this vital information together.

She was the one who found Tim.

The gun in his right hand.

But the bullet hole on the left side of his head.

-Sarah


End file.
